“Remember that reputation and integrity are your most valuable assets—and can be lost in a heartbeat.” – Charlie Munger.
The world is small and interconnected. Rainmakers make friends, not enemies – everywhere they go. Treat everyone as well as possible and control your destructive emotions.
“Everybody Is Somebody’s Somebody.”
By a force of nature, mutual respect will most often lead to the best outcome for everybody involved.
The Anecdote
In 1542, Francisco de Orellana, a Spanish “Conquistador,” and his men traveled in the deep forest of the Amazonian jungle. Driven by greed to find the mysterious city of gold, “El Dorado,” they rode down the big river. Then they passed a small village. Starving from hunger and pain, they halted and asked to speak to the chief of the native inhabitants. An older man arrived who looked like the chief. Orellana, who could speak some native languages, paid the man respect with a nice gesture. He gave him some of his fine Spanish clothes. In return, they received some delicious jungle chicken and turkeys. Then they hugged each other, and he and his men could live in the village for a few more days with food & shelter. Also, the neighboring communities treat the strangers friendly.
But, after they left the area a few more days downstream, the story turned wrong. History doesn’t tell us anything about Orellana’s motivation, but he changed his strategy. He stopped being the friendly diplomat. Instead, he became an aggressive warlord taking food and other necessities with violence.
By a law of nature, the response was equally fierce. More than 2,000 native Jungle people chased the Spanish men down the Amazon river until they were gone. This last part of the journey cost many lives on both sides. And it resulted in a wholly destroyed reputation for Orellana. He came home to the Spanish crown with little to show. With more respectful behavior, he might have obtained valuable information. And who knows if he would’ve finally managed to see the mysterious golden town of El Dorado.
The principle
There’s a simple principle from psychology: Reciprocity. Robert Cialdini showed in his studies that humans have an inner balance sheet for things they receive and give. People usually feel the urge to give back something after receiving something. The “thing” can be either positive or negative.
The inverse
The law of reciprocity will, of course, also show its full effect when you’re showing the opposite of respect (like de Orellana did in the jungle): You will earn fears, fight or flight reactions, hurt feelings, a destroyed reputation, and maybe even revenge.
How to practice
Keep your negative emotions out of a conversation with anyone. Give each person a feeling of equal value. Independent from what they do, who they stand, and where they stand. Remember that power positions can change. Stick to the grandma rule: what would she say if she could see you now, treating this person in front of you?
Always go positive and go first.
When talking to people, you will learn with curiosity that people are incredibly proud of. Those can be achievements, family members, belongings, beliefs, etc. Be conscious and show your recognition at the right time (maybe after taking a note of your observation).